November 2008
1 post
Really
I think he might love me as much as I love him.
October 2008
2 posts
dreamlover
Last night I dreamt that you came home.
You stood there at my door and I was so happy, indescribably happy, and yet I finally felt the full weight of the sadness that I had been resisting for too long, and I couldn’t help but squeeze you, hard, and cry and cry.
And you held me, but you made me look at you and told me that you were back now, stop being sad.
I laughed through my tears at...
Written on the subway, either drunk or hungover.
There’s something empowering about leaving you there in your naked glory. I won’t deny that. Three men stretched out in the livingroom like sleeping lions can lead a girl to think she’s infallible.
I don’t remember what happened in your boyhood bed last night, but I can assure you, whatever it was cannot outweigh the feeling of obscene self-loathing that came over me as I...
September 2008
3 posts
hurt
It hurts so much when you’re not around. It hurts because you could be giving that grin to someone else, and I would never know. Do you love me enough to save it for me? To save all our little jokes and the things you do that infuriate me, but I laugh anyway, for me and not to let someone else in?
You didn’t once. You said the things that lovers say and you never even heard her...
Never
7.12.08 5AM
We slept in his bed last night. He was exhausted and only going to get three and a half hours of sleep. I wasn’t nearly as tired but I wanted to stay and be near him. It had been a long week, not seeing him and only speaking for 20 minutes each day—on a good day. I lay there silently as he breathed heavily, in the throes of sleep after only three minutes, with one arm still flung...
That's Not It
Sometimes I wonder. I mean, it is my life. It’s the only one I get. Shouldn’t I do what makes me happiest? There are so many things possible in this city. So many things you could never get away with anywhere else. And with this insane technology, even more so. So why not have it all? Why not just go get what I want, everyone else be damned? Could I marry someone I don’t love and have a love...